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Bill Watkins, Traveling Poet

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Bill Watkins, Traveling Poet

Tag Archives: Humorous

The Perfect Bummer

05 Tuesday Nov 2019

Posted by Bill Watkins in Anecdote, Humor, Humorous, Poem, Poems, Poesia, Poetic Blog, Poetry

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Humor, Humorous, Mexico, San Miguel de Allende, Story

Dog Poo1

I had no idea when I boarded
the bus that I had stepped in it.

It was the first day of school, or
so it seemed, myself off on my
first bus to town from my
mountain writer’s paradise in
San Miguel de Allende, Guanajuato
Mexico, place of story, desert
and an indigenous way of life
caught in the headlights of Europe’s
historic, often perverse advance.

There I was, not alone, but
with the dueña of my house,
she the mom, overseeing
transfer of her child from home
to bus to school.

We were both eager to see
this bus from rural Jalpa past
our compound toward the Centro,
and sure enough after a while,
the Route 15 bus rumbled along,
but not until a time waiting
and conversing.

In that time I did notice a
tremendously large dog dropping.
Big and steamy, to my left—no
problem, and not a surprise with
all the dogs around that area.

No matter, here’s my bus!  There,
at last, some independence,
to learn the bus system important
living in so remote a place while
I wrote my book about white
people stealing native lands.

“Hola, buenos días!!” smiling was
I, ear to ear, after shaking hands with
the dueña—we had figured out the
bus and I was bound for town!

I gave the driver my twenty
peso bill, and he gave me my
four pesos change, and I smiled
and wished all the passengers
a good day, and all was super-duper
happy and contento…

Then I smelled something, around
the time the driver halted and
peeled off the road at a high rate.

Dog poop had infiltrated the bus,
and I looked down the lane I’d
walked to my seat, saw marks of
horror, looked at my right shoe,
and sure enough—

I had tracked in the poo of
some large dog on my first
exciting bus ride into town,
San Miguel de Allende, 2019,

God help us it was a perfect
bummer.  Looking back, I may
have stepped in it at the very
moment I shook my dueña’s
hand, congratulating myself
on figuring out the bus schedule
at last.

Reminds me of something my
dad would have said:

“If the deck is not clear, do not
bother sailing,” or more succinctly—

“Safety First,” or more to the
point of my story, look where
you are going, check for dog
poop, be humble.

I stepped in it, spread it to
the bus, like Europeans spread
disease, alcoholism, and curse
words to the “New World.”

Oh, and a bible.  And guns—a
mixed bag, while European
graves of our forefathers fall
apart, untended.

We forgot to love the land and
honor our fathers, sailed
across an ocean and stole land.

On it today I walked, and stepped
in poop—these facts unrelated,
unless you’re one to relate

Letter to an Atheist

26 Saturday May 2018

Posted by Bill Watkins in Blog, Comical, Humor, Humorous, Political, Political Satire, Religious

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Atheism, Blog, Comedy, Humor, Humorous, Jokes, Joy, Love, Peace, Politics, Satire, Trump

—by Donald Trump

***

What in the hell is wrong with you?

You haven’t accepted your Lord Jesus Christ?

People are stealing into this country every day, because it’s the best country in the world.  They are bringing their crime with them, their pestilence, their disease.  But no more!

Just now my ICE officers are pulling away mothers from their children along the border in a surefire deterrence scheme that will bring order at last to this chaotic, dangerous region!

I am proud to honor all the officers and their families for the sacrifices they make every day to make us Real Americans safe.  By “real,” I refer to the white Americans, whose European ancestry makes us the right people to rule this land.

Our concrete, our asphalt, our trains, planes and automobiles—the helicopters that patrol your neighborhoods and keep birds, coyote and deer away—

This is our legacy, not our shame as Pocahontas in Congress wants you to think.  I am proud of our achievements over the hollering of conservationists and nerdy green peace-freaks.  I like our noise, our industry, our coal, steel and everything that makes America great!

And there you are with your liberal atheism, your disdain for religion.  You stand proud today, then kneel during our country’s national anthem at football games.  You are a disgrace.

I hope this letter has helped you to consider converting to the one true God.  I have read a version of the Bible Kelly Anne Conway gave to me, called The Alternative Fact Bible, and in it are the tenants of democracy, law, order and peace.

We will have peace in this world, if you trust me to make some deals.

Trump3

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