—by Donald Trump
What in the hell is wrong with you?
You haven’t accepted your Lord Jesus Christ?
People are stealing into this country every day, because it’s the best country in the world. They are bringing their crime with them, their pestilence, their disease. But no more!
Just now my ICE officers are pulling away mothers from their children along the border in a surefire deterrence scheme that will bring order at last to this chaotic, dangerous region!
I am proud to honor all the officers and their families for the sacrifices they make every day to make us Real Americans safe. By “real,” I refer to the white Americans, whose European ancestry makes us the right people to rule this land.
Our concrete, our asphalt, our trains, planes and automobiles—the helicopters that patrol your neighborhoods and keep birds, coyote and deer away—
This is our legacy, not our shame as Pocahontas in Congress wants you to think. I am proud of our achievements over the hollering of conservationists and nerdy green peace-freaks. I like our noise, our industry, our coal, steel and everything that makes America great!
And there you are with your liberal atheism, your disdain for religion. You stand proud today, then kneel during our country’s national anthem at football games. You are a disgrace.
I hope this letter has helped you to consider converting to the one true God. I have read a version of the Bible Kelly Anne Conway gave to me, called The Alternative Fact Bible, and in it are the tenants of democracy, law, order and peace.
We will have peace in this world, if you trust me to make some deals.