Tag Archives: Satire

Xenophobe

09 Saturday Jun 2018

Posted by in Immigration, Poem, Poems, Poetic Blog, Poetry, Political Satire, Race, Racism, Satire, Xenophobia

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Let’s stick together, fend off
the other.

We used to be an “other” long ago,
but not me that was my
progenitor, not me—let’s go!

I’d rather be dead than caught
in the web; liberal diversity’s not
for me, I’m a Christian, just
the type who’s white, ticked
and armed, so back off.

Someone once challenged my
right to kill.  They were invading
my house, so I had to defend, but
in the army learned that shooting
for the torso of a human was
defending so killed him.

One must defend one’s family—
which is everything.  Blood relations,
keeping America white.

They say this was native American
before it was white European but I
kinda’ think that’s Fake News.

I ignore God when I want to
and cheer at Liberals’ defeat,
this is a war and I wanna win so
let’s kill as much as we need to
let’s win.

Stop ‘em at the border, kill
‘em if we must, build a wall,
Jews will not replace us.  Divide
and conquer’s not the devil’s
line—Believe Me!!

Let’s go to the rally!  Are you going?

So much winning; I love it
how we won all those wars.

Vietnam was fake news, we won
that too!

Kennedy had it coming, I love
CIA movies and their covert ops,
I wish I could take one now,
see all those babies separated from
their mothers at the border,
I’m Christian but the kind that
likes White Jesus, and sick
of the politically correct brown
one they cook up downtown
in what will become a sanctuary
city if we don’t spread Trump
fever fast and build that damn
wall!

The Orange Negotiator

27 Sunday May 2018

Posted by in Blog, Blogs, Humor, Political Satire, Politics, Satire, Tragedy, Trump

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Trump2

Peace dreams of having many friends.

Flourishes in groups of one mind, or alone on long hikes up the mountain or to the lake.

Once upon a time, there was a large, old, orange negotiator, who had weaseled his way to leadership in a large nation with borders, history and clout.

He was notorious for lying, cheating on his wives, a bumbler and a bully—an avid golfer and talker, highly in debt abroad but always pushing his own business “success,” always assuring others of his prowess and abilities.

He likes to use catch phrases poker players might call “tells,” such as:

“Believe me” = I am lying.
“We’ll see what happens” = I have no idea what I am doing.
“There were good people on both sides” = I am a racist thug.
“Fake News!” = Stories published that hurt my image.
“He’s a Great Guy!” = He’s about to be fired.
“We’re going to take care of” = We’re skating by this moment, saying what makes story die.
“The incredible men and women” = I deify people, because I am myself a god.
“Billions and billions of dollars” = I am obsessed with money.
“Witch Hunt!” = an investigation I do not like.
“Many people are saying” = I am saying.
“Smart people” = People who support me.
“Total disaster” = I didn’t create it.
“CHI-na!!” = Racial slur hidden under tone to stir up racist base.
“Wiki-Leaks!!” = His savior, allowed him to “win” election in 2016 by cheating.
“Nobody really knows,” “Nobody knew” = I didn’t know.
“Lock her up” = Misogyny and misdirection.
“Build the wall!!” = I hate Mexicans, brown people.

COMBO ALERT:

The orange negotiator liked to combine catch phrases, too:

“We’re going to take care of it. A LOT of money! BELIEVE ME! But, we’ll see what happens.”

“Lock her up! Crooked Hillary!!! Wiki-leaks!!!”

And the crowd would erupt.

“Build the wall!” a code for “I’m racist like you!” and the crowd would go crazy again, lift the orange negotiator to leadership of this country.

Letter to an Atheist

26 Saturday May 2018

Posted by in Blog, Comical, Humor, Humorous, Political, Political Satire, Religious

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—by Donald Trump

***

What in the hell is wrong with you?

You haven’t accepted your Lord Jesus Christ?

People are stealing into this country every day, because it’s the best country in the world.  They are bringing their crime with them, their pestilence, their disease.  But no more!

Just now my ICE officers are pulling away mothers from their children along the border in a surefire deterrence scheme that will bring order at last to this chaotic, dangerous region!

I am proud to honor all the officers and their families for the sacrifices they make every day to make us Real Americans safe.  By “real,” I refer to the white Americans, whose European ancestry makes us the right people to rule this land.

Our concrete, our asphalt, our trains, planes and automobiles—the helicopters that patrol your neighborhoods and keep birds, coyote and deer away—

This is our legacy, not our shame as Pocahontas in Congress wants you to think.  I am proud of our achievements over the hollering of conservationists and nerdy green peace-freaks.  I like our noise, our industry, our coal, steel and everything that makes America great!

And there you are with your liberal atheism, your disdain for religion.  You stand proud today, then kneel during our country’s national anthem at football games.  You are a disgrace.

I hope this letter has helped you to consider converting to the one true God.  I have read a version of the Bible Kelly Anne Conway gave to me, called The Alternative Fact Bible, and in it are the tenants of democracy, law, order and peace.

We will have peace in this world, if you trust me to make some deals.

Trump3

Trump Marches on Washington For Economic Freedom

15 Sunday Apr 2018

Posted by in Humor, Parody, Political

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Trump Speech:

I am here today to celebrate national freedom and economic justice for all Americans, white, pink, tanned and proud.

We have long had regulations lording over us oppressed businessmen of tanning booth sheen.  But I have a dream that the days of persecution are numbered, and that America will once again be the great nation it was when President Andrew Jackson kicked out the Cherokee people and made them march with their tails between their legs out of Georgia so we could plunder her gold reserves.

I have a dream today!

That one day, we will return to the glorious order of the segregated south, a separate but equal system uprooted by political correctness and communism.  Martin Luther King was a great man, like me, who wanted economic justice like I do.  For that reason, I propose an end to all regulations that restrict free trade, except in the steel industry and Canadian lumber.  CLEAN COAL!!!

And if men and women desire to hold, sell and buy slaves, we should abolish the abolishment of slavery, an institution that was good enough for Thomas Jefferson, so why not us?!!?

I have a dream today!!

That the bald will have hair, the toothless will have dentures that hold tight in the wind, rain, sleet and storm, during a speech, in the humidity of a Florida golf course, or on the dry cabin of Air Force One.

I have a Dream today!!!

That one day, my children will not be persecuted in my name, but will be the respected ministers of the American government they are!!

I have a dream, that peace will reign throughout the land not because of its diversity, but because our military and police forces will be so strong and lethal that all will fall in line with my will out of natural fear…

I have a dream!!!

That a man will be judged not by the size of his hands generally, but by his height and weight, by proper doctors like Ronny Jackson – who happens to be a rear admiral.

When I asked about getting a real admiral for the post (and my staff are working on this now), it occurred to me I could just move his “rear” over to Veteran Affairs.  He has been warned that his budget will be cut in half so that our current military can make a needed run for the southern border to protect us from all the brown drug dealers pouring over into Minnesota to sell our children pills and Americanized tortas and burritos at inflated rates!

I have a dream!!

That America will be great again, that slavery will return, that white supremacy will rise—which is good for blacks!  Look at my ratings!!  Look at the economy!!  Look at the stock market!!

Look at what we are doing today at the EPA!  No more will “No” be heard at the breakfast table of freedom, but Cheerios will be sprinkled with the sugar of “fuck you” and “who cares.”  Political correctness and environmental protection will die as sure as Christ suffered for our sins—except these regulations had it coming, while Jesus…  Well, when I read about him I will let you know what I think.

Fox News will be airing a show on the Christ soon.  Watch it!!!  The failing New York Times and Washington Post will tell you not to, and NBC will tell you lies that “Trump is bad” and “Trump is not a Christian.”

I am the most Christian person you know, believe me.

I am the least racist, most smart, least braggadocios, most truthful, most experienced president the country has known, who has done more for poor people and minorities than any president in our proud history has ever done—Believe me!!

I have a Dream!!!  Believe me, Dr. Jackson says my dreams are the best he has ever heard about, are signs of maximum health and success!!!

My dream is over!!

Hah!!  We’re living the dream.

I’m flying above you in Air Force One now, not because I have to (I’m privately rich and not in debt)—but because I love serving the people high on fast food sugar and fat.  All of this without a sip of water, Lil’ Rubio—all this without Comey’s lies and Mueller’s fake war record.

God bless you.  And God bless America.  This one, not the fake shithole ones to our north and south.

Thank you!!!
MAGA!!

***

The president at that time was cut short by protesters.  He gave the sign for police brutality against them, a cutting motion with his hands.

Trump spotted Mueller in the crowd, raised his eyebrows, added “No collusion!!” on the microphone before approaching the special prosecutor for a meet and greet.  Trump tried to shake his hand, then go into a hug like the Comey White House shuffle, but Mueller just stared.

Trump pretended not to have asked for Mueller’s hand, looked for Melania, but she was praying at a local Tolerance museum.  He settled for a stroke of his own hair, double-timed for Marine One, happy with the speech, McDonald’s Big Macs calling him, Fox News and a needed trip to Mara Lago.