• AA Pitch
  • ABOUT
  • Anti-Alcohol Ads
  • Beverly Hills Cop IV
  • Beyond the Grades
  • Bill’s Books
  • Church of MARY
  • CLEAN L.A.
  • Comedy
  • Contact/Booking
  • Election Reform — Los Angeles
  • Events
  • First Step Education
  • Guest Register
  • L.A. Budget Ideas
  • Love without Alcohol — Public Speaking
  • MLK the Movie
  • Music/YouTube
  • Oswald’s 6th
  • People’s Police Force — L.A.
  • Podcast — Bill’s Poetique
  • Poetry Arrived
  • Public Safety — L.A.
  • Return to Silverado
  • Submit

Bill Watkins, Traveling Poet

~ Words For You, Just Ask

Bill Watkins, Traveling Poet

Category Archives: Homosexuality

Two Hours Gay

30 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by Bill Watkins in Blogs, Homosexuality, Sexuality

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

-by Bill Watkins 3/30/2017

Gay Rights Flag

Once, I was “gay” for two hours.

In around 1999, I was checked into a psych ward, not for sexuality but for mass confusion, depression and suicidal tendencies.

Finally one day closer to 2002, it became clear that the only thing wrong with me was alcoholism.  That I needed to stop all and any use of mind-altering chemicals like alcohol, drugs, and self-pity.

But at the time, I was in the psych ward, on the first floor, talking to a social worker.  She was a nice, portly lady, and we had a good talk by the side of my bed.

We had our own rooms at that place, so you know it was expensive.

Didn’t make it fun.  A strange up and down time.  My mom visited me with a book of poetry I have since lost.  Couldn’t be better than the one Grandma had at her house before she died.  Had I been more alert at the time of her death, I would have asked somebody for Grandma’s poetry books.

Someone brought my guitar, too.  Could have been that time or another, come to think—I lived in psych wards off and on for a couple years.

***

The social worker and I were talking, and I got into my story.

Realizing that I was a poet, loved musical theater, and was a twenty-nine year old virgin with a long list of romantic failures with the opposite sex, we both decided that:

“I might be gay.”

Now, mind you, we were in use of the modern “gay” meaning homosexual.

It’s weird that word was hijacked back in the ‘70’s.  One that used to mean “happy.”

It beat the shortened four-letter deal they were calling homosexual people, and it stuck I suppose.

I used to take the word “gay” on the comedy stage with me, declaring myself a very gay man, citing all the ways I was happy and that I wanted the word back for heterosexual use!!

“Give us our word back, man!!!”

***

So, there I was.

A James Taylor-like Takamine acoustic guitar behind us with great action—my first guitar—on the bed, deciding my sexual truth and/or fate.

I decided to try “gay” on a bit.

I walked away from the meeting with the social worker, declaring my gayness to a few people around the fancy psych facility.

It seemed easy, at least easier than performing as a heterosexual man.

There is more act, more effort involved, I think—in being heterosexual.  It’s not like you can declare your heterosexuality and get a lot of attention.

You were not joining a small club, but an expected state of humanity.

***

After a two-hour walk around with my new sexual status, I felt okay, but came back to my room before dinner at the nice cafeteria with awesome salad bar.

I was learning Tagalog from the Filipino cook, the dinner a show of sorts and I entertained a bit, under usual circumstances.

But gay Bill seemed calmer, more withdrawn, even shy.  To myself more, to be sure.

I did what all proper alcoholics in recovery do, even though I was not fully sober yet:

I prayed about it.

God,

Do you want me Gay,
or Heterosexual?

Gay was easy, could be a fun couple years, but I foresaw a disease and short life.

Heterosexuality was difficult, took hard work, and smacked me in the mouth with my historic failures, leaving me an old virgin.

But more God was in that road, and I saw a longer life…

So, I re-chose heterosexuality, and did not turn back, except for the odd thought—which I welcome as a challenge.

The thoughts I would really like to get rid of are my goofy memories from playing high-level volleyball in the past.

I used to think, if I could do it all over again, without drinking alcohol on Dad’s lap at five, drinking it with friends by twelve, blacking out by fourteen and messing up my life—that substance killing loved ones:

I would have been a triple threat entertainer like Fred Astaire.

And my sport would have been hiking and nature, camping and fishing.

***

Now, after my Native American studies, and studies of my family background, I consider:

What if I had been born in cosmically native Wales, United Kingdom, where the Watkins family came from and thrived before invading America in 1607?

I would have been nature.  I would have been One with my land, as the Native Americans are with this one between the Atlantic and Pacific, even though we have temporarily displaced many of them by violent force.  I would have gloried in God and nature, walked as one with it all, and I would have written great songs and poems about my love.

Subscribe

  • Entries (RSS)
  • Comments (RSS)

Archives

  • November 2022
  • March 2022
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • July 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014

Categories

  • 1984
  • Acceptance
  • Addiction
  • African
  • African American
  • Aging
  • Alcohol
  • Alcoholics Anonymous
  • Alcoholism
  • Alegre
  • Allegory
  • Amends
  • America
  • American Poem
  • Amor
  • Amtrak
  • Anatomy
  • Andrew Young
  • Anecdote
  • Anti-Political
  • Apolitical
  • Arthur Davison Ficke
  • Article
  • Articles
  • Austin Clarke
  • Awareness
  • Basketball
  • Beautiful
  • beauty
  • Beer
  • Belief
  • Bible
  • Biblical
  • Big Bang
  • Bilingual
  • Birthday
  • Blog
  • Blogs
  • Blues
  • Books
  • Boys
  • Britain
  • Brothers
  • Bullies
  • California
  • California History
  • Cars
  • Catholic Church
  • Childhood
  • Children
  • Christian
  • Christian Science
  • Christmas
  • Church
  • CIA
  • Circumcision
  • Citizenship
  • Civil Rights
  • Classic Poems
  • Classified
  • College
  • College Sports
  • Colonialism
  • Comedy
  • Comical
  • Community
  • Conquest
  • Constitution
  • Corruption
  • Cosmic
  • Covid
  • Creation
  • Crime
  • Criminal Law
  • Cute
  • Cycle of Life
  • Dating
  • Decisions
  • dedication
  • Depression
  • Divorce
  • Doctors
  • Dogs
  • Drugs
  • Earth
  • Easter
  • Education
  • England
  • Enlightenment
  • Entertainment
  • Environment
  • Epic
  • Erotic
  • Escape
  • España
  • Español
  • Espiritual
  • Eternity
  • Europe
  • Explicit
  • Faith
  • Family
  • Fantasy
  • Fútbol
  • Feminism
  • Football
  • Forgiveness
  • Frost
  • Galaxy
  • Geocracy
  • God
  • Gospel
  • Government
  • Graphic
  • Gratitude
  • Great Spirit
  • Growing Up
  • Gun Control
  • Guns
  • Hard Times
  • Healing
  • Health
  • Heaven
  • Helicopters
  • High School
  • Higher Power
  • Hillary
  • Historical
  • History
  • Holiday
  • Home
  • Homeless
  • Homosexuality
  • Honest
  • Honor
  • Humor
  • Humorous
  • Immigration
  • Imperialism
  • Indigenous
  • Innocence
  • Innocence Lost
  • Inspiration
  • Inspirational
  • Intactivism
  • Interview
  • Ireland
  • Irish
  • Irish Poets
  • James Oppenheim
  • Jesus
  • Jesus said
  • JFK
  • John Gould Fletcher
  • Journalism
  • Journey
  • Joy
  • Junior High
  • Katherine Mansfield
  • Kennedy
  • Kids
  • La Fe
  • La medicina occidental
  • Ladies
  • Land Theft
  • Lao Tzu
  • LAPD
  • Law
  • Life
  • Literature
  • Living with an Alcoholic
  • Livingston
  • Los Angeles
  • Loss
  • Love
  • Marriage
  • Masks
  • Mater Dolorosa
  • México
  • Men's Health
  • Mental Exercise
  • Mental Health
  • Mexico
  • Middle Age
  • Middle School
  • Military
  • Misogyny
  • Mob
  • Mom
  • Montana
  • Morality
  • Mother
  • Murder
  • Music
  • My Dad
  • Mystical
  • Nahuatl
  • Nationalism
  • Native
  • Native America
  • Native American
  • Nature
  • NCAA
  • New Year
  • New Zealand
  • News
  • Noise Pollution
  • Nostalgia
  • Ogden Nash Poems
  • Oldies
  • Olympic
  • Olympics
  • Opinion
  • Originality
  • Overcoming
  • Pain
  • Panic
  • Paradise
  • Parenting
  • Parody
  • Pasadena
  • Pánico
  • Peace
  • Peer Pressure
  • Personal
  • Philosophy
  • Plog
  • Poem
  • Poema
  • Poemas
  • Poems
  • Poesia
  • Poetic Blog
  • Poetry
  • Police
  • Political
  • Political Satire
  • Politics
  • Polytechnic School
  • Positive Thinking
  • Positivism
  • Prayer
  • Prescribed Medication
  • Public Transportation
  • Race
  • Racism
  • Rare Poems
  • Recovery
  • Redemption
  • Relationships
  • Religion
  • Religious
  • Resentment
  • Review
  • Rights
  • Robert Frost
  • Romance
  • Russia
  • Salud
  • San Miguel de Allende
  • Satire
  • Science
  • Scoop
  • Scottish
  • Sex
  • Sexism
  • Sexual
  • Sexuality
  • Sexy
  • Shakespeare
  • Shootings
  • SK Rolle
  • Slavery
  • Sobriety
  • Socal
  • Soccer
  • Soul
  • Space
  • Space Travel
  • Spain
  • Spanish
  • Spies
  • Spirit
  • Spiritual
  • Spiritual Awakening
  • Spirituality
  • Sports
  • Sports Addiction
  • Sportsmanship
  • Spring
  • Stage Review
  • Strength
  • Success
  • Suicide
  • Surfing
  • Talgarth
  • Tao
  • Tao Te Ching
  • Ted Hughes Poems
  • Teen
  • Terror
  • Terrorism
  • Thanksgiving Lie
  • Theater
  • Theatre
  • Thomas Lodge
  • Thomas MacGreevy
  • Tongva Nation
  • Tragedy
  • Travel
  • Tribute
  • Trump
  • Truth
  • UCSB
  • Ukraine
  • United Nations
  • United states
  • Universe
  • USA
  • Valentine's Day
  • Volleyball
  • Voting
  • Wales
  • Waves
  • Weird
  • Welsh
  • Western Medicine
  • Westridge School
  • Winter
  • Winter Olympics
  • Womanizing
  • Women
  • Women's Health
  • Words
  • World Peace
  • Xenophobia
  • Youth

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • Bill Watkins, Traveling Poet
    • Join 455 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Bill Watkins, Traveling Poet
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...