• AA Pitch
  • ABOUT
  • Anti-Alcohol Ads
  • Beverly Hills Cop V
  • Beyond the Grades
  • Bill’s Books
  • Church of MARY
  • CLEAN L.A.
  • Comedy
  • Contact/Booking
  • Election Reform — Los Angeles
  • Events
  • First Step Education
  • Guest Register
  • L.A. Budget Ideas
  • Love without Alcohol — Public Speaking
  • Music/YouTube
  • Oswald’s 6th
  • People’s Police Force — L.A.
  • Podcast — Bill’s Poetique
  • Poetry Arrived
  • Public Safety — L.A.
  • Return to Silverado
  • Submit
  • Subtracting Division

Bill Watkins, Traveling Poet

~ Words For You, Just Ask

Bill Watkins, Traveling Poet

Category Archives: Alcoholism

You Learn to Care

14 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcoholism

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

The silver spoon rusts, and caring
departs the farther we find ourselves
away from life.

Poverty is our oldest friend, it is the
state infants find themselves in—
need to need, day to day, all five
senses supercharged and alive,
You used to care!!

To get that back you have to go back,
or forward march if in April you
find winter breezes alerting you
to change for the better.

Bill Murray in his Groundhog Day
learned to care, unlearned his stance
learned on the outside looking in,
resentments formed early in childhood,
defenses raised against abuse.

Our best defenses become our worst
defects as they sit and fester, or worse
yet grow and mold over and over
the petri dish that is Time.

The dust settles for a moment in
hospitals, jail cells, homeless shelters
or repeated groundhog days…

It becomes clear we must change. Not
to something new but to something old:

Back to our childhood selves, the infant
that with five senses cared! Was alive
with every movement, curious,
hopeful, asking—honest.

We learned to care, and then the day
turns and we can start over, begin
to live the adult life with childhood
spirit—Congrats, if you see this

New Poem, 3/14/2014

14 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcoholism

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

The Whirlwind

You wake up in the middle of it,
Grease is the word haven’t you
heard, trying to learn “cool” at
the same time as “nice”—

Which is greater?

Moving, shaking, the dance
begins your mind is aching from
the:

Dreams you have all alone in your
room, matched to the: cold reality
of all the things you can’t do.

Nothing way-out or indigestible
would be if something like a Higher
Power you could hire even at a young
age see;

Something goes on and on, and it’s hope—
and it lives between your room
and your path. Cool wants you
in his refrigerator, is lonely for your
food.

“Nice” is all around, seems too easy,
so you keep looking, sampling
misery like all the other flavors
at your local bar, fake ID’s checked
by fake boobies, all working out
at another local hangout: the gym.

The whirlwind whirls on and on with
hope, be careful not to lose sight of
will as you declare “self-doubt” at last
as your E.R. check-in diagnosis, a
mononucleosis of all those frozen
wishes trapped by cool in that Fridge.

We open up at last, one day, shake
the frost and enter the nice warm
rays of nice, decide to be nice is
the best dream, and something
universally we can do!

Warm now, calmed down, we know
how to play hard but also how to
sit down, read, write, relax—we smell
roses in the warmer air of care,
pass them along to others, reaching
back to Cool without getting burned,

We hope. We Hope

By Bill Watkins:)

12 Wednesday Mar 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcoholism

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

Ballads of Spring

All these songs, in love—yes!
It’s good. Young love, the power,
the potential…

I wouldn’t know I was drunk.

But I remember what I wanted,
and humbly hope you’ll get it, if
you are young enough to waver
between the waves of right and wrong,
law and breaking it.

If you think it may be no big deal
to fail, you run with the “cool” ones
(who are often sick), escape the truth,
those true feelings of wanting to
be with her.

Your life is incomplete, wading in
this wall of rhyme, Longfellow
reminding us: be a poet in the
strife, if not at least:

Be true, and live a really good
life.

If alone you try at this you will
fail utterly if you be like me:

You need a Higher Power now;
grab one even if only fifteen

A.A. Birthday Poem

07 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcohol, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Birthday

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

A.A. Birthday

Like the other, another spin ‘round the sun.

This one’s fun!
Not at first, mind you, it’s an almost
impossible uphill climb.

So instead of trudging it straight, against
the tide and everything great—

We adhere to and climb twelve steps.
The first is a false one, we fall down,
get hurt and admit we’re done, in us
stick a fork.

The second is a ray of sun, sing lullabies
to sad lives, we see God, or at least a
Power greater than us.

The third is easy and hard haven’t you heard,
we look up words like “decision” in the
dictionary and find other words like
“Victory” – the devil runs away abashed
at every defeat. This is pretty neat, God
is in charge now, let’s see what’s left to do:

4. Write and think, and write and think—be
fearless, this is our lives, write and think.
5. Tell God, you and another dude your
findings and feelings, the weight starts to really
lift…

Six, we became ready for a new life by preparing
to give up old traits that clouded vision and
possibilities like dusty old drapes, sour grapes,
run to the market for new ones it’s not too late!

Seven is a way to humbly ask: LORD remove my
faults, Please…

Now write down names, people you have harmed,
become willing then make amends to them all.

Some may run away from you, see some
weird side of you, think you’ve gone
too religious, maybe take a break from you.

Others will be grateful and inspired.

Keep checking yourself against your actions;
faults like San Andreas want to rise and give us
trouble from time to time.

Pray hard! Improve that line between you and
God as you understand God, pray for that power
to know what to do next. Know that God’s will
is what happens.

Take that glory, your awakening of spirit, give it
to other punk alcoholics, people who could use
a boost, do this well and find you’ve gone through
the last hoop, now back to one, excuse me the One,

For there is where the healing is.

Happy Birthday.

Frost Look-Alike

01 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcohol, Alcoholism, Dogs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

“The Dogs Come In”

It’s wet outside, muddy. The dogs
are out beyond my eyes, I cannot
see them costing me minutes of my life,
for when they come in I’ll be
there with a towel, ages and ages hence—
well at least when they come in.

I had English teachers say, “Don’t
ever with a preposition sentence
end.” I heard them say, and I was
out in the mud beyond their eyes,
drinking alcohol underage.

What we put up with is what we
put up with, but Churchill himself
did not a false sentence abide, for
him “ending a sentence thus is something
up with I shall not put.”

And the dogs come in, and I, I turn
out to be quite a loser. Muddy,
bruised, beaten and battered by
poor decisions after poor decisions.

Sometimes the cute goes away,
sometimes it stays, but we all must
change to suit the ages if we care
to live to “hence” past today

The Temple of Ramis

27 Thursday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcoholism, High School, Junior High, Middle School, Peer Pressure, Tribute

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Harold Ramis, Shirley Temple

To the clueless and scared, hello.
People all around, classmates kissing,
stealing off doing secret things
claiming cool as if elections to the seat
were won, you lost, get in line
“follow me.”

Smoke something, a clove, a cig,
a joint even!

Drink something, a beer, Mom and
Dad’s liquor cabinet steal in,
impress the girl you like by messing
up, breaking rules and law.  Go crazy.

The swirl swirls and you happen to
be a late bloomer, are smaller than
the others, scream inside to hide
the pain without, you look up
at life and find it’s not exactly
what you want or like.  But you
have your moments, and are assured
by rewards and confirmed sideways
glances at siblings and friends and family
that you are in the right place.

You could be wrong.

Horror movies, roller coasters, it’s
okay not to like them.  Beer does
taste weird, alcohol is disgusting.
Cigarettes and all smoking is bad
for you, walk away, the secret “cool
club” is insecure, needing your
admiration and envy to be cool.
Step away and be you…

What is “you?”

You may not know yet, but ask
anyway, the question over and
over again, “what do you want to
be?”  Who and what, how and
with whom, decide and make it happen.

Funny, the alcoholic cannot do this,
and here enters the great collaboration
with higher power, spirituality
and asking and receiving.

We can want all we want, and strive,
but still need good weather.

Appeal to a power greater.  Afraid
you will be a virgin all your short life?

I was one until thirty-three years of age,
a tweaked and sick person, incapable
of being honest until I found a group
of people worthy of my trust.

Betty Ford was not just a president’s
wife, recovery is not just for the
starring addict but for the entire
“family.”  “Those who do the will
of God…”

How do you know what is the will of
God?  It’s what happens.

Ask Ramis, maker of movies, Shirley
Temple the same.  Names in the sand,
written glory Longfellow Frost and
Shakespeare having a beer before
seeing the light of what we have here.

Dispelled fear, unrelenting honesty
and truth galvanizing and gouging
holes in the pie of expectation and
peer pressure!!

Stop, breathe, accept yourself in
your worst lonely truth.

The Void

11 Tuesday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcohol, Alcoholism, Poems, Truth

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

Fear it or cruise it, the void is
life without living, or so it appears—
so it appears.

F.E.A.R. they told me was False
Evidence Appearing Real, the closer
you get to something the less it is
what you thought it was.

Embrace the truth.

Nothing. The bridge to everything.
Stillness… LORD, read the Tao Te Ching.
Ironic that the disturbed choose on
the way home to pick up liquor to
avoid the eternal internal look, we
take “breaks” from the whirlwind with
higher power whirlwinds.

We stand above the muddied pool and
throw rocks at it ‘til it matches our
brain, unstable and rocking.

The void, trust it? Shall we come home
just to silence? Seems a welcome mat
for negative chatter, self-doubt, the cycle
of stuff I’ve always avoided…

Bring a lantern, trust the void

Poem:

04 Tuesday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcoholism, Poems

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

Forget Everything and Run

Spelling fear, the anthem of the scared
running into bars for quick relief.

Or up the coast, down the coast, or
perhaps deep into failure…

Anything but face the demon, the nightmare,
the truth. We run and we run,
we run so much we make a jagged Earth
smooth, this party’ll do.

Who tells us that at twenty-five, life gets
serious, a choice must be made to
stay alive?

Who tells us that at thirty, private parts
sag and we feel age upon us?

Run forest, run, the truth of gaps and gnats
on big black hikes up cliffs will shift the
weather a click for every foot in elevation hit.

We need to quit. To discard the dance in
favor of the direct stance—

Why not now, in the middle of this one-way
romance, Vanity Kills, or so the singer
said, the 1980’s a time of building for many,
for me for running.

’85 and first drinks sealed my fate. A signpost
read in blood red “go back.”

We can stop or die it’s up to you

Poem:

02 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcoholism, Beer

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

Self-Delusion

We wake up at two or three years
of age on a path we did not choose.
We have a deck of cards, some rules,
understand words like “no” and
“are you hungry?”

We are five and watch Dad’s drink
sparkle, gold and clinky his ice
melting osmosis and condensation
making everything wet and alluring.

You pitch for and get a sip.

Hustle and bustle, you understand
more and more, lo and behold the
whole crew is heading for the door.

“Star Wars” is playing, it’s a movie
and I’ve heard people talking about
it. I’m not really sure what it is, but I
want to go… because everyone else
is going—

The buzz, the happening, War is not
questioned, killing okay, this is the world
into which I was born, I woke up sought
cap guns and superhero costumes soon
after…

Clove cigarettes the middle school dance,
chasing what was cool. We had it now,
alcohol in bottles this was the end of
unknowns we’d know what to do at night
from here on out—

Easier than vulnerability, than asking a girl
out only to wait and see. This was the tonic
for my ailments, the reason I couldn’t kiss
at the dance, but someday surely I’d get drunk
enough, to be honest enough… to be honest
enough

Poem:

02 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

“Blooming Late”

As Dodgers prepare for Spring,
dogs wet with indignation look sharply
at me as if I was always who I am.

Last summer Dodgers streaked and won,
won and streaked, carried momentum
all the way into the penultimate round.

There Joe Kelly of the Cardinals beaned
our best player.

At five foot zero, 105 pounds I entered
my freshman year of high school. Five years
before that I was carrying boys on my back,
many of them – a kill the carrier legend.

I was going to be great.

Growth stunted by confusion, I did not
deep down see the point in love if all
roads lead to divorce.

I drank alcohol by 5, last sips of bourbon
and water on Dad’s lap learning about
the highs of drunk, but also in doing
illegal acts.

At twelve, the end of seventh grade, I began to
seek out days and nights to drink alcohol
with friends, sauce it up—

It didn’t take much to knock me over, felt
good to have something intimate to
tell Anne, the girl I liked.

I couldn’t say “I like you,” but had fun getting
attention while “hungover.”

Alcohol and confusion, unable to express love,
my body did not accept puberty until puberty
had nowhere else to go…

When it finally happened, I was more lost
and confused, unable to be a loving person,
and if not a loving person… if not honest,

What are you?

I bloomed late, told my A.A. sponsor I loved him
in 1996, making me about twenty-four years old
when I first opened up.

Betty Ford social worker, Lee, started that ball
rolling. Both Sponsor and Lee are black men. I
am black inside, craving the honesty of poverty,
the spirit of the religious, gospel songs jazz
and rap, soul music mine—

A black nanny raised me, my name tells me we were
involved in slavery. I cannot rise sometimes until
I say a prayer and shut out the lies—

God is in me, the truth a song sung deep in the
heart of romantic trees. I tried so many careers
before dying into one; dreamed a million dreams
until I settled on the one giving me lines to write,
Spanish and English monologues, suffering the song
of the enlightened, sing it on the other side.

I forgive Joe Kelly, know the Dodgers will be
back the boys in blue attacking the cracks that
made us weak, injury and naiveté.

God bless the late bloomers, the ones who did not
grow right, grew left, grew up tall with so many
regrets—

I tell the young men when I see them: tell her
you love her, pray first but tell her, be honest
live your dream, because this body of ours is
not what it seems.

Cold in the middle of the night, the eve of thirty
years old you will sag, you will age;

Make sure that when it does you are ready, you
have the stories to tell that said you lived
your teens and twenties, you will not cry
the lament of years lost, regret…

Sadness can be avoided honestly coming
to God and fellows while there’s still
time yet

Newer posts →

Subscribe

  • Entries (RSS)
  • Comments (RSS)

Archives

  • September 2025
  • August 2025
  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • January 2025
  • September 2024
  • January 2024
  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • April 2023
  • November 2022
  • March 2022
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • July 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014

Categories

  • 1984
  • Acceptance
  • Addiction
  • African
  • African American
  • Aging
  • Alcohol
  • Alcoholics Anonymous
  • Alcoholism
  • Alegre
  • Allegory
  • Amends
  • America
  • American Poem
  • Amor
  • Amtrak
  • Anatomy
  • Andrew Young
  • Anecdote
  • Anti-Political
  • Apolitical
  • Arthur Davison Ficke
  • Article
  • Articles
  • Austin Clarke
  • Awareness
  • Basketball
  • Beautiful
  • beauty
  • Beer
  • Belief
  • Bible
  • Biblia
  • Biblica
  • Biblical
  • Big Bang
  • Bilingual
  • Birthday
  • Blog
  • Blogs
  • Blues
  • Books
  • Border
  • Boys
  • Britain
  • Brothers
  • Bullies
  • California
  • California History
  • Cars
  • Catholic
  • Catholic Church
  • Childhood
  • Children
  • Christ
  • Christian
  • Christian Science
  • Christianity
  • Christmas
  • Church
  • CIA
  • Circumcision
  • Citizenship
  • Civil Rights
  • Classic Poems
  • Classified
  • College
  • College Sports
  • Colonialism
  • Comedy
  • Comical
  • Commandments
  • Community
  • Conquest
  • Constitution
  • Corruption
  • Cosmic
  • Covid
  • Creation
  • Crime
  • Criminal Law
  • Cristiano
  • Cristo
  • Cute
  • Cycle of Life
  • Dating
  • Decisions
  • dedication
  • Depression
  • Divorce
  • Doctors
  • Dogs
  • Drugs
  • Earth
  • Easter
  • Education
  • England
  • Enlightenment
  • Entertainment
  • Environment
  • Epic
  • Erotic
  • Escape
  • España
  • Español
  • Espiritual
  • Eternity
  • Europe
  • Explicit
  • Faith
  • Family
  • Fantasy
  • Fútbol
  • Feminism
  • Football
  • Forgiveness
  • Frost
  • Galaxy
  • Geocracy
  • God
  • Gospel
  • Government
  • Graphic
  • Gratitude
  • Great Spirit
  • Growing Up
  • Gun Control
  • Guns
  • Hard Times
  • Healing
  • Health
  • Heaven
  • Helicopters
  • High School
  • Higher Power
  • Hillary
  • Historical
  • History
  • Holiday
  • Home
  • Homeless
  • Homosexuality
  • Honest
  • Honor
  • Humor
  • Humorous
  • Immigration
  • Imperialism
  • Indigenous
  • Innocence
  • Innocence Lost
  • Inspiration
  • Inspirational
  • Intactivism
  • Interview
  • Ireland
  • Irish
  • Irish Poets
  • James Oppenheim
  • Jesus
  • Jesus said
  • JFK
  • John Gould Fletcher
  • Journalism
  • Journey
  • Joy
  • Junior High
  • Katherine Mansfield
  • Kennedy
  • Kids
  • La Fe
  • La medicina occidental
  • Ladies
  • Land Theft
  • Lao Tzu
  • LAPD
  • Latin America
  • Law
  • Life
  • Literature
  • Living with an Alcoholic
  • Livingston
  • Los Angeles
  • Loss
  • Love
  • Marriage
  • Masks
  • Mater Dolorosa
  • México
  • Men's Health
  • Mental Exercise
  • Mental Health
  • Mexico
  • Middle Age
  • Middle School
  • Military
  • Misogyny
  • Mob
  • Mom
  • Montana
  • Morality
  • Mother
  • Murder
  • Music
  • My Dad
  • Mystical
  • Nahuatl
  • Nationalism
  • Native
  • Native America
  • Native American
  • Nature
  • NCAA
  • New Year
  • New Zealand
  • News
  • Noise Pollution
  • Nostalgia
  • Ogden Nash Poems
  • Oldies
  • Olympic
  • Olympics
  • Opinion
  • Originality
  • Overcoming
  • Pain
  • Panic
  • Paradise
  • Parenting
  • Parody
  • Pasadena
  • Pánico
  • Peace
  • Peer Pressure
  • Personal
  • Philosophy
  • Plog
  • Poem
  • Poema
  • Poemas
  • Poems
  • Poesia
  • Poetic Blog
  • Poetry
  • Police
  • Political
  • Political Satire
  • Politics
  • Polytechnic School
  • Positive Thinking
  • Positivism
  • Prayer
  • Prescribed Medication
  • Public Transportation
  • Race
  • Racism
  • Rare Poems
  • Recovery
  • Redemption
  • Relationships
  • Religion
  • Religious
  • Resentment
  • Review
  • Rights
  • Robert Frost
  • Romance
  • Russia
  • Salud
  • San Miguel de Allende
  • Satire
  • Science
  • Scoop
  • Scottish
  • Sex
  • Sexism
  • Sexual
  • Sexuality
  • Sexy
  • Shakespeare
  • Shootings
  • SK Rolle
  • Slavery
  • Sobriety
  • Socal
  • Soccer
  • Soul
  • Space
  • Space Travel
  • Spain
  • Spanish
  • Spies
  • Spirit
  • Spiritual
  • Spiritual Awakening
  • Spirituality
  • Sports
  • Sports Addiction
  • Sportsmanship
  • Spring
  • Stage Review
  • Strength
  • Success
  • Suicide
  • Surfing
  • Talgarth
  • Tao
  • Tao Te Ching
  • Ted Hughes Poems
  • Teen
  • Terror
  • Terrorism
  • Thanksgiving Lie
  • Theater
  • Theatre
  • Thomas Lodge
  • Thomas MacGreevy
  • Tongva Nation
  • Tragedy
  • Travel
  • Tribute
  • Trump
  • Truth
  • UCSB
  • Ukraine
  • United Nations
  • United states
  • Universe
  • USA
  • Valentine's Day
  • Volleyball
  • Voting
  • Wales
  • Waves
  • Weird
  • Welsh
  • Western Medicine
  • Westridge School
  • Winter
  • Winter Olympics
  • Wisdom
  • Womanizing
  • Women
  • Women's Health
  • Words
  • World Peace
  • Xenophobia
  • Youth

Meta

  • Create account
  • Log in

Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Bill Watkins, Traveling Poet
    • Join 452 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Bill Watkins, Traveling Poet
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar