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Monthly Archives: February 2014

Winter Olympics 2010

05 Wednesday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Olympics, Poems

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Bode Miller, Joy, Julia Mancuso, Lindsey Vonn, Love, Olympics, Peace

It bodes well, the competition
stiff and cold bursting in the sunlight
of dreams.

Could we stop and cuddle by the fire
as the athlete does what he or she
has done a million times before,
this time for Olympic gold?

I’m a comic—in L.A. I worked,
figuring it out, shamming around,
putting my show out on the floor
until one day I decided to win,
to put the training to use and not
budge from the winning plan.

My show reminded me or vice versa
of Lindsey Vonn’s Downhill gold
in Vancouver, 2010—the slips,
the slides, the veers, the good and
bad moments—trouble, slow, and fast
spots—places you “go for it” and others
you must hold back and stay on course…

She did it a million times before, this one
for gold! I’m so proud to be an American,
what’s more an honorary captain of the
winter Olympic American team.

It bodes well, Bode, the Tiara-wearing Julia,
dancing on the podium like you practiced
and promised yourself, sometimes others,
but it’s always that promise to yourself that
is most important. God? Take all the help
and inspiration you can get, find a line you
like and WIN, the first three letters of the
Winter Olympics; I won the audition that day—
kept my routine heading fast and smart enough
down the hill to victory;

I cried that day, tears of success—I just wished
Lindsey Vonn—oh yeah, she let it out, too…

Let it out; this is the Winter Olympics, Vancouver
2010. I hope God is pleased like me…

It bodes well!

The Wife of My Youth

04 Tuesday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Biblical, Love, Valentine's Day

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

The wife of my youth from the first whistle comes;
Calling in the night, from rooms cold and silent,
out onto the dark bark… the chime of alarm;
Alarming isn’t it? The truth, the Sound, the One;

From Zero, to All—infinity; the wife of my youth.
Malachi: did he paradise find?
I did in A.A., where Jesus’ Day at a Time grew legs.
Like poems. Like whistles; how alike are waves…

Lives, lived paradise-bound. Lives lived to be lost—
the bark of the found, the smart truth of the hound.
What was the hope? That I could fate jump? Hate rid?
I cope with One because in Third Grade I met her;

She needed no thing. It was… Chely Wright was… It happened.

The first whistle in the air; the sound of care
her eyes; hair.
I’m done… Paradise Found.
A Dream un-raveled in Tao Te Ching.

Do nothing… And nothing does you. First Wife…
Love.

Poem:

04 Tuesday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcoholism, Poems

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

Forget Everything and Run

Spelling fear, the anthem of the scared
running into bars for quick relief.

Or up the coast, down the coast, or
perhaps deep into failure…

Anything but face the demon, the nightmare,
the truth. We run and we run,
we run so much we make a jagged Earth
smooth, this party’ll do.

Who tells us that at twenty-five, life gets
serious, a choice must be made to
stay alive?

Who tells us that at thirty, private parts
sag and we feel age upon us?

Run forest, run, the truth of gaps and gnats
on big black hikes up cliffs will shift the
weather a click for every foot in elevation hit.

We need to quit. To discard the dance in
favor of the direct stance—

Why not now, in the middle of this one-way
romance, Vanity Kills, or so the singer
said, the 1980’s a time of building for many,
for me for running.

’85 and first drinks sealed my fate. A signpost
read in blood red “go back.”

We can stop or die it’s up to you

Paradise Found

04 Tuesday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Epic, Paradise, Poems

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Columbus, Joy, Love, Peace, Ventura

I. Predator Flight

In her eyes the fire of light,
some poets grind, others take photos
at dawn or dusk, still others wait for the
fog and make their own light.

Technology makes things easy, they say,
but none have said better than Lao Tzu
who said: do not try to change the world.

It cannot be done!

Then folks like Wyatt Earp come around,
make changes and you’re forced to amend
even Lao Tzu.

Nothing useless is or low—each thing in
its place is best… Stop reading this poem
if you have not studied Longfellow, I’m sick of
saying it.

And what seems but idle show strengthens
and supports the rest. Yes!!

Longfellow found paradise with his pen,
Buddha meditating, Yoga people stretching,
and Yogi the bear eating picnic baskets.

To laugh out loud is a part of heaven we try
to reach every day, those who don’t post on
Facebook. Just kidding or JK, JFK putting peace
before politics and getting killed for it.

Love is a strange song sung by the courageous,
following in a long line of creative people starting
perhaps with King David, or maybe a dude in
Africa banging rocks together for the first time.

Love strikes chords, in and out of music and can
wind up floating in a flood through New Orleans,
or dreaming its own dream, shooting poisoned
arrows through the heart of the 1980’s.

Dreams, things unclean, soft memories of the eyes
of youth on me. They are the future; I am
fading with middle age;

Everything I have I give to children—please join me
to end age discrimination. Throw open the floodgates
in this case, they deserve the vote, all the educated
and inspired even and especially kids!!

At eight years old all I wanted to do was to vote in
the 1980 presidential election. I knew more about
the candidates then than I do about them now…

Was excited, couldn’t wait for outcomes, passionate,
in love!!

But no, disallowed, come back in ten years, they say.

Ten years later I am biased, angry, dispassionate, feel
cheated and abused so F it.

Opportunities missed, Caroline and Alicia my young
neighbors following me out to vote when I’m twenty-
six, them knowing more of the issues than me. They
cared more, knew more: they were no more than
twelve years old, should have been voting alongside
me, but no.

Disallowed, discriminated against.

Goes to show the value of “politics:” NIL until everyone
is allowed in…..

II. Predator Patrol

We wake up in bliss when sober, clean and sure.
Paradise is close to us, we are surer and surer, each smile
from the heart speaking to the Earth, exclaiming great
thanks.

We did not die as friends did in the mire that is
alcohol and drugs, felt guilt at times, what some
call survivor guilt.

And still we patrol the shores where
enemies like self-doubt and fear,
the wounds from overdose creep and
try.

More is a deceptive disease, stealing in
late at night behind and past some defenses.
Evil lurks in quick tempers and angry reactions
to computer error.

New at Higher Power, those in early recovery
must try and try again at placing God first, God
first, God first, God first.

In doing so we change the way we do or not
do all things. Everything changes, in fact, we slow
actions down enough for them to be controlled
by loving decisions, smart ones.

No longer do we shoot then aim, looking to
satisfy first thoughts and feelings. We had a
buffer zone made of dreams, tempered with
Power.

We let go.

III. Predator Pray

Forgiveness is the dream of the peaceful.
I’m not preaching we forgive and live with abuse;
perhaps just forgive it.

The change continues as we shore up our borders;
South runs the line toward pain and confusion, but
prayer diligently adhered to as a stop before acting
and often even thinking…

Keeps us heading North on the treadmill toward
peace of mind. We have nice views along the way,
visiting Columbus, Ohio in the winter for a shock—
just making sure our senses are alive.

All four seasons are welcomed into the new life,
Paradise—once mentioned by Milton as something
lost, the Bible, the Jewish part—seems within reach despite
what even the Jehovah’s witnesses say.

Far off is far off, now is now, the smile we get with
peace is a post-rain color explosion in the clouds. We have
a rapidly moving sense that Paradise is right now!

Then it fades like the rainbow itself, into the sun,
particles lost and found as well, Particlus writing an epic
poem about it, Particle Bill responding years later.

Some have positive views, some take different views,
some view the same thing from the same angle but
report differently and say the other has it wrong.

I see Paradise now in the wind, not far from the sound
of hammers breaking up perfect Saturday morning sun
and chirp.

One of the different views is hammering for his peace of mind
and mine fades, not because I didn’t try hard enough,
but because because, leaves fall making room for more,

change is everywhere, God give me the strength to endure it.

IV. Trouble in Paradise

We haven’t even officially found it when it breaks down,
the dream of it even.

The absence of control frustrates until we find we
must let go even more, and soon, reduced to who we
are, the pill catches in our throats. We spit and keep trying,
there must be more moments for us up ahead.

Music fills the dead air, construction work kills it,
the birds and wind through trees battling our hammers
and guns every day. Art wins some days, nature others,
and on some cool mornings they are the same thing…

We love the goals that soccer makes, but woe to the injured.
We celebrate the heroes of war and mourn the loss of the
fallen. Medals go out, trophies. Some go out to those who
stayed out of the battle, the real warriors of the mind
who call out on Capitol Hill for more this, less that,
and let’s get this other thing going.

Their pay betrays them, and still we exclude and keep
certain types out of congress. No old white man likes to be
shown up by little black girls; they forget that all of life
is a great journey back to childhood.

Innocence tries to win, conjuring light from fog,
blurry in the night, a San Francisco bell bringing in
the harvest of boats long and short.

Trains too, they roll in. People hope against hope the power
won’t run out for what then? Dependence on modern convenience
we have sold to ourselves as necessary.

We step away from the known just enough on long
hikes to make the spectacle of poverty endurable, and
we remember Jesus’ words that the meek will inherit
the Earth.

We are sure we are worthy of God’s best as we hunker
down for Her worst, prepositions dogging ends of
sentences in the face of Polytechnic’s best grammar
instruction.

We abandoned running on and sarcasm, realizing the root
of the word is Greek for tearing flesh. Al-Anon helps
A.A., long train rides helping music and the Tao Te Ching,
we remember everything, that script we made to help
free children slaves.

We had a purpose once, but we must abandon all we know
and escape into nature to remember it.

Go back to life after you leave it – something good awaits
the other side this strange hammering.

V. Touch and Go

The pain gets great, you don’t know.
It seems worth it, we’ve come so far
searched far and wide.

Maybe they’ll take the dreams I have inside,
after I die have a party, donate all my truths
and lies to a worthy charity.

Fame in death, go out in a blaze of glory,
someday they’ll remember me and be sorry
they didn’t pull the red carpet out for my
steps as they approached the pedestal.

Awards and fame, nothing will ever be the same,
but that’s it it all fades to dust now in the calming
mist of whirlpool steam, we kick our feet up
in a final Jacuzzi, this must be the end.

No, not yet!! No, we fight off death at the last
gate, nine out of ten ways to ten until we’re gone
we make a goal line stand and fend off the reaper.

Peace and joy comes to the golden effort given
by the golden sleeper. We see peace ahead, more
work slightly to be done—

VI. Paradise Found

Love, peace, rainbows unity. The greatness we
think becomes the greatness we see, five senses
turned on to experience this kind of beauty.

It was all here before, musty Columbus snow, gyms
filled with volleyballs and achievement, effort
glistening white.

Ventura waves in day, drumbeats at night, a piece
of hot pizza served by Tony by the train station
this is Paradise!

I once described it as a “smiling state of mind,” a
reggae song without the pot, we needed no substance
but life to feel all right, no Jehovahs to tell us “wrong!”

Paradise is here and now, it was always between my ears,
it was always my attitude, my decision, a decision that as
the red book says “declares victory for one side of
an argument over another.”

Love and peace, think of the trees—Poplars by
Aldington, dreams from Frost and Lowell, imagists
all rhyming and scheming before we were born.

Link hands and destinies down the golden road to
happy peace; this is the stuff, this is the dream. Some
dance, some sing, it is “peace of mind” and no other
thing.

Heaven is a peace of mind that comes from knowing
I did the best I could to be the best person I was
capable of becoming.

John Wooden and I define and find Paradise, waiting
for you to win ten and join us…

God bless you and keep you until then!!

Paradise! It’s here and now, hear me now
get yours before it’s too late, choose today
as your good start, open minds, willingness and
honesty the keys to the gate. Ha!!

Milton turns in his grave, John Nash says again
to Adam Smith: “Incomplete!!” Paradise is lost
and found everyday, lost and found one moment
to the next, give and don’t count the cost
echoes of St. Ignatius St. Francis praying
for giving and peace…

Forgiveness just another Ventura wave in a
lonely world populated by endless rivers and mountains,
people and animals. The snow comes unless
you run from it, coast to coast in America, ‘round
the world and back.

Don’t ever leave Paradise once you’ve
found it, you need lots of prayer to do that.

Paradise once found still needs water and sun
to grow true, rakes and shovels, sweaty brows
to deliver.

We may as well work with smiles and songs
on lips and think of the Midwest shiver.

They’ll remember us each Christmas, enjoy fuller
seasons and say we got cheated;

Los Angeles has me trapped forever in freedom
because my choices are true. Thank you, LORD
each letter capitalized to spell an Anglicized YHWH.

Borges reviews my poem, words cut out, Lao Tzu
thanks me also, returns and comes with the Tao,
rainbows soft at recall—

I am reborn today, in Paradise…

This is nice

Happy Birthday

04 Tuesday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Birthday

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

ezgif-4-fee4a9ae7520

Might as well call it earth day part two,
the earth around the sun another time
celebrating you.

You were not easy to come by, needed
cosmic forces to align, your mom and dad
were not perfectly matched just divine.

Something changed when you were born,
the wind shifted, hope was renewed, anything
was again possible.

Your parents chose a path, have done their
best but are sure you will fulfill their dreams
further, count on you to try real hard.

“To make an effort” is the core of living
ask Charles Dickens’ Mrs. Chick, John Wooden’s
success a peace of mind knowing we did our best.

Happy birthday, soldier, keep your head and
body aligned toward light, keep celebrating
the sun and its earth moving right.

Beer Commercials

03 Monday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcohol, America, Beer, Love, Poems

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

Isn’t it great, the colors, the sights,

the sounds—the glamour.

Drink this and feel this, you can be this
happy too!!

I was a victim of beer commercials;
it wasn’t the only thing that got me,
but it sure didn’t stop me.

How many young people fall to their
pressure everyday?

This is why go out, write about it, spread
the word there’s another side to the
gulp gulp!

My anti-beer ads go like this: Fade in
on hospital rooms and prison cells, then
have sucking music accompany the POV
down the toilette where boys and girls
are puking their first drunk.

Now the sewers with other drunks and
puke, the sewer water heading for the
morgue.

Sirens and handcuffs, straight jackets
and padded walls, meds dispensed by
laughing nurses, back to you throwing
up your meds.

Words flash on the screen:

“All this because you didn’t learn to live
before your took your first drink of
alcohol.”

Alcoholic zombies walk graveyards and head
for the bars to re-fill their glasses, watch
sports on TV.

As they clink glasses with each other, grunting
and foaming at the mouth, the final words
on this 30-second spot fill the screen:

“Alcohol: killing and addicting people since
the beginning of temptation”

With that the bar and its patrons explode.

American Poem:

03 Monday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcohol, America, Poems

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

“Puking Mess”

Against the odds, the stream rolling
downhill, beer ads getting top honors
and accolades played between tackles
and crotch-grabs—this is America.

Superbowl, super-old, this fight for money
leaving so many on the ground unable
to get up

I digress un-dressed dreaming of a more
enlightened world. The puppy and the
pony, soft songs and snowy scenes of peace
selling us alcohol to drink.

Take off with rocket’s first fuel, C2H5OH
Ethyl no friend of Lucy, divorcing many
Rickies, burning cells faster and faster until
loopy we take the wheel and turn our car
into a Slurpee—this is America.

Nine out of ten swirling out control, with
power to stop but no willingness, though.

We like the tackle and pop, the risk and reward,
the coming back from war with a limp and a
promise, paychecks for life, it seems to be all
about “mine.”

What happened to Longfellow’s Hero in the
Strife? What ads don’t show you is the puking
mess, the flip side of parties crystal and gold,
snowy scenes of growing old, kicking back
deserving of peace, so drink alcohol, burn
more cells, Devil’s pride swells, this is the end
of America.

Turn around, go against flow, dream a better
bigger dream without money attached, choosing
subsistence over accumulation.

Dream and do more, kick feet up after the work
is done, water the only drink powerful enough
to cool the flames of achievement.

Today great, tomorrow with hope, I feel
pretty good, I eat and drink things that help
my body. My attitude is positive, nothing gets
me down, I read the old volumes, try the old
ethics, I turn the other cheek, forgive.

Nothing useless is or low, each thing as
Longfellow also said in its place is best, and
what seems but idle show is a Budweiser
commercial, because it is.

Flow, Flow, Flow—against flow.

America rises again, everyday a chance to ignore
the hottest thing in favor of the best,
search your heart, ask it what it wants, and
travel there being wary of sports and drinks
that often lead to bonked heads and
puking mess

Poem:

02 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcoholism, Beer

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

Self-Delusion

We wake up at two or three years
of age on a path we did not choose.
We have a deck of cards, some rules,
understand words like “no” and
“are you hungry?”

We are five and watch Dad’s drink
sparkle, gold and clinky his ice
melting osmosis and condensation
making everything wet and alluring.

You pitch for and get a sip.

Hustle and bustle, you understand
more and more, lo and behold the
whole crew is heading for the door.

“Star Wars” is playing, it’s a movie
and I’ve heard people talking about
it. I’m not really sure what it is, but I
want to go… because everyone else
is going—

The buzz, the happening, War is not
questioned, killing okay, this is the world
into which I was born, I woke up sought
cap guns and superhero costumes soon
after…

Clove cigarettes the middle school dance,
chasing what was cool. We had it now,
alcohol in bottles this was the end of
unknowns we’d know what to do at night
from here on out—

Easier than vulnerability, than asking a girl
out only to wait and see. This was the tonic
for my ailments, the reason I couldn’t kiss
at the dance, but someday surely I’d get drunk
enough, to be honest enough… to be honest
enough

Poem:

02 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcoholics Anonymous, Mental Health, Poems

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

Depression

So close to fear, sadness is,
“False Evidence Appearing Real” you think
all is wrong—

The only thing wrong is that you are living two
or three days at a time.

Forget tomorrow, live today, write it down,
your schedule a goal, we may only get one more
day so live it fun and free…

Put sleep at the end of it.

Write it down, SLEEP, earn it by doing a few
things, beware the activities that hurt it like
drinking toxins or treating the opposite sex
poorly.

Stealing, breaking the law, it goes against
contented sleep don’t do it!!

Caring blooms and prospers when you strip,
alow people in, love the revolution begun by
God herself—

A concept of revolving, going back as much as
forwards, wildfire spreading at sounds by lips
“I love You” whispered by breeze, heard
like never before up and downstream the Nile
of human betterment.

Manic depression, a frustrating mess until
you categorize everything, believe in all feelings
and accept them all as part the piano, part of
your day…

This is it!! There is no other day. Meds and Docs,
trying to figure it out against gales out to destroy;
leave white coats for the rich, come with me, be
poor, blessed, and rise.

Wake up, do some stuff—go back to sleep.

Wake up, do some stuff—go back to sleep.

Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat,

This is the life we’ve been given, dance
on it, it’s neat

Poem:

02 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by Bill Watkins in Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Joy, Love, Peace

“Blooming Late”

As Dodgers prepare for Spring,
dogs wet with indignation look sharply
at me as if I was always who I am.

Last summer Dodgers streaked and won,
won and streaked, carried momentum
all the way into the penultimate round.

There Joe Kelly of the Cardinals beaned
our best player.

At five foot zero, 105 pounds I entered
my freshman year of high school. Five years
before that I was carrying boys on my back,
many of them – a kill the carrier legend.

I was going to be great.

Growth stunted by confusion, I did not
deep down see the point in love if all
roads lead to divorce.

I drank alcohol by 5, last sips of bourbon
and water on Dad’s lap learning about
the highs of drunk, but also in doing
illegal acts.

At twelve, the end of seventh grade, I began to
seek out days and nights to drink alcohol
with friends, sauce it up—

It didn’t take much to knock me over, felt
good to have something intimate to
tell Anne, the girl I liked.

I couldn’t say “I like you,” but had fun getting
attention while “hungover.”

Alcohol and confusion, unable to express love,
my body did not accept puberty until puberty
had nowhere else to go…

When it finally happened, I was more lost
and confused, unable to be a loving person,
and if not a loving person… if not honest,

What are you?

I bloomed late, told my A.A. sponsor I loved him
in 1996, making me about twenty-four years old
when I first opened up.

Betty Ford social worker, Lee, started that ball
rolling. Both Sponsor and Lee are black men. I
am black inside, craving the honesty of poverty,
the spirit of the religious, gospel songs jazz
and rap, soul music mine—

A black nanny raised me, my name tells me we were
involved in slavery. I cannot rise sometimes until
I say a prayer and shut out the lies—

God is in me, the truth a song sung deep in the
heart of romantic trees. I tried so many careers
before dying into one; dreamed a million dreams
until I settled on the one giving me lines to write,
Spanish and English monologues, suffering the song
of the enlightened, sing it on the other side.

I forgive Joe Kelly, know the Dodgers will be
back the boys in blue attacking the cracks that
made us weak, injury and naiveté.

God bless the late bloomers, the ones who did not
grow right, grew left, grew up tall with so many
regrets—

I tell the young men when I see them: tell her
you love her, pray first but tell her, be honest
live your dream, because this body of ours is
not what it seems.

Cold in the middle of the night, the eve of thirty
years old you will sag, you will age;

Make sure that when it does you are ready, you
have the stories to tell that said you lived
your teens and twenties, you will not cry
the lament of years lost, regret…

Sadness can be avoided honestly coming
to God and fellows while there’s still
time yet

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