-by Bill Watkins
(he, she, it, Christian, liberal democrat, unregistered ex-patriot conservative white liberal)

***

Congratulations.  I assume if you are reading this piece, you are:

a. literate
b. intelligent
c. humor-curious, at least
d. alive.

E., you might be confused about your nationality, and I aim to help you with that.  Your sexuality and identity politics are yours, so there, and stop putting it in my face please.  I’m not angry, just enraged as a displaced European land thief, thousands of miles from my roots and hundreds of years since the great theft that gave us the United States of America.

Pause.  Consider the glory in creating a perfect people-rule democracy after removing the first people of this land!  Brilliant sleights of hand gave us white Euros a sound footing to tell our old world monarchs to buzz off, while with the other side of our mouths we taught the bible to the heathen, earth-loving naturals.  We scared them next with our guns, then threw money around until we claimed ownership of this land, carving our likeness into the natives’ spiritual mountains and worshipping our concrete, asphalt and steel creations.

Pause.  Consider us some more!  People-rule!!  Never mind the earthquake, hurricane, wildfire or tornado, we are certainly in charge!  We bow to nothing because we are white and use gun powder to explode things and kill people better than any living organisms in the history of this world!  Never mind those guns are now turning on ourselves, civilization itself proving that the “homeless” dude living in a tent may have the right idea.

There were many nations here before guns created the United States of America.  Without those guns, we might be a collection of native and migrant nations peaceably trading and honoring mother earth, what a bore!  There might be no roads, cars, mass burning of earth blood, litter and pollution.  There’d be less noise and no mass shootings, but what would happen to the wonderful, perfect people-rule democracy those brilliant ex-patriot British established on land formerly inhabited by earth-adoring savages?

Geocracy?  Earth-rule?  Insane!  Mutual respect of different nations, races, cultures and creeds?  Ridiculous!  Consensus between all people instead of alienating elections filled with winners, losers, majorities and minorities?  It couldn’t be!  Nothing could be better than democracy except the truth itself, which knows of a Power, is humble to it—enough so to refrain from the self-worship of Eurocentric auto-erotic secular religio-politics.