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Harvey Weinstein and Roy Moore made
me do it, I had to cum clean!

I used to do it, too—you know what
I mean???

I never broke the law, but I almost broke
my johnson!

At least I thought I did, that first time alone
in my lonely bed,

Underneath the sheets and my lonely
bun huggers.

I was way older than you should be to start;
fourteen years old

Maybe it’s good for your heart?

No one told me what the hell was going
on in the sex arena;

I had to pretend to listen in sex ed to unemotional
monotoned “ejaculation” remarks.

I had no idea it was more like lightning unbottled,
a jizzing spark in the dark!

Wow!  A light seemed to flash, the heat a fire in
the tip—“It’s gonna blow!!!”

The first time, I stopped before completion, sure
the bottle would break.

Nights later, I went at it again, this time with
“success,” the fire lit,

milky white residue, what the hell? Oh yeah, they
called that something in class,

Something to do with the ocean—sea men
overboard, the sticky stuff was weird.

Thing is, it all seemed so abnormally normal,
no one talking to me, scared to ask,

I started drinking alcohol on Dad’s lap, we
never had “the talk,” only a divorce

from he and Mom—but did you know that
when you lie detector the divorced,

they lie when they say they’re divorced?

Back to the “issue” in my hands, over the years
I switched from right to left,

After the right hand in teenage years warped
the product which now leans left!

Yikes, not the end of the world, but still no
one talked to me!!

Isn’t that the problem with the whole of
this big “sexual assault” sea?

We don’t talk to our young, we don’t teach
stuff like, “Honey, you might fall in love,

and love is good, here’s what the body does,
we love you, honey—support you and your
love, your body and what it does.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of—love and this
body.  When you love someone,

Tell them with all your heart, let it out.

You are safe to ask us anything, fire away,
we love you, your body, and what it does!”

Hmm.  Would have been great!  I probably
would have married the Wife of my Youth
like Malachi and Solomon advised.

But I did not, became alcoholic and a thirty-
three year old virgin

with a warped cock.

(It never did right itself when I switched to
the left hand after college…)

I dabbled at quitting, as I did alcohol consumption
near sixteen years ago—

would stay hands-off for up to twenty days, but
in the end it had worked its

way into my reward system in a given day—
felt I “deserved” it…

Until it led me to loose sexual behavior;
we’ve all seen examples lately on TV.

I called a married woman with a cute kid,
was intent on getting down with her

even after I “prayed” about it!!

We sometimes need to pray harder, but that
was the end of the masturbation line,

the loose sexual practice disguised as divine.

I could not hurt a child—be a “home wrecker,”
as I had been hurt by such parental actions!!!

I outed myself on the phone with that wife,
a real Christian, and devoted to her husband.

She chuckled, and said: “I would never do
that…” And I chuckled,

Then she (rudely—lol) accused me of being
a porn man!!

“Porn,” dear??  How dare thee accuse us, the
royal we of such improprietous malconduct?!?!

I was caught and have been off my johnson and
the porn for two and half months.

Anyone can “do” it, Harvey and Roy!

And by the way, reader: Pray for us ignorant
jackers-off to heal,

and find a child to properly teach rather than
throwing stones deep into

the sunny breach.

The Twitter speech, the OMG “he’s a pig” easy way
to displace from all your own sins—


“Preach, Master! Preach!!!”

I am a former master of the bait, the sexual
trap of not knowing what else to do,

so we threaten our prey into the warped penis
of our less than ideal past doodoo.

Pray for us all, mind our hands, and love one
god and one mate for life—

“Enough as good as a feast,” Mary Poppins
good to Michael and Jane.

But who was it who told them all?

All about the Game…?

Tag.  You’re it!!  God help us.  Give…

Forget your shame.