10. Urinate. Everyone’s gotta do it.
9. Fornicate. Not everyday, and stop short of hurting others or breaking up families. Just get into a little trouble, have a life experience.
8. Masturbate. Not a good habit overall, but fine en lieu of constant banging of keys on a computer looking for perfection that will never cum.
7. Fornicate and Masturbate at the Same time. It’s done every day; I mean, some guys I know can’t finish without touching themselves a bit.
6. Try a Sport. You’re a nerd, so bad at most things, but I hear Cal Tech has a great Ultimate Frisbee Team—why not you?
5. Wash/Bathe. Zits are the result of over-calculating on your computer, in grimy, stuffy office or home conditions. One should wash after masturbation, too.
4. Sing a Song. Earth, Wind & Fire did this, had no zits, got laid often and had fun. You can too, if you only get off your computers a few minutes a day.
3. Fly to the Moon. And take your most stubborn updaters with you.
2. Wipe your private areas. Sometimes I suspect constant updating of programs comes from lack of confidence in the bathroom.
1. HAVE FUN!! Nerds: We love you, but ease up on the computing, at least every seventh day like the Hebrew God. May your updates be so good, they last two years. Give us hack users a break, and let us work on programs we mortals are happy with before you change them every seven hours. Thanks!!!!!!!