Puerto Rico is an island.

Nobody knew.  It was surrounded by
water… Still is, in fact!

You see, folks:

When land stops, water takes over.
Their country is such that it is like
a circle, maybe an oval or a long
donut without anything in the middle.
In fact, the land is the middle of the
donut, and the water is the outside,

like the cream in the center.

No, I don’t divide! We’re going to bring
America back, workers back, because that’s
what I am—I’m going to get rid of all
business regulations, bring coal back!

Clean coal!

Clean coal is like a donut.  Without the cream,
more like a Danish—which is in Scandinavia—
nobody knew!

So clean coal, untouched by Muslims—who
are like a day-old donut you buy at one
of those truck stops.

Those are my people.  The trucker, the worker.
You don’t see them taking a knee during
the national anthem.

They are at the rodeo drinking beer, and hot
dogs—which by the way, sounds pretty good
right now!

McCain hates dogs! Make America Great!

Stand for the anthem. Fake news and
radical Islam is killing us.

We should be friends with Russia!
It’s better to be friends! They stole
Crimea. They stole back their country.

It’s none of my business—I’m a business
man, politics is okay—I’m draining the Swamp!


Andrew Jackson was a saint!

Are you tired of winning? So what!

They say the English language is good.

I speak good. Say words no one else says,
and I say them in a way that makes America

I’m sick of winning! And fake news! Look at
them taking pictures in the back!

Fake coal, real news, winning without rules,
bring back Andrew Jackson!

You hear that?

It’s a trail of cheers! That’s how I got an
A on every test. I was a great student;
better than these other guys.

Believe me!

Puerto Rico is in our country, you say?
Well. Maybe.

But it is an island. Very hard to get to, if you…
Here, look at the map.

It’s mostly blue.  Then there’s this tiny bit of
orange and green—that’s the land.

So, Puerto Rico is special—their people
very special, and they are tough and
we will get through this thing.

And women!! Very special.  I love women.

Very special to me.  I’m glad they are
speaking out—I love to watch them speak.
When their lips move, I feel like kissing
them!  And believe me, they kiss back!

I’m winning! Are you tired of winning? Take
our country back for white—for workers!

Like Russia.  They just took back
what was theirs, let’s be friends—

Fake news!!